#I was already grieving and now I have to grieve for the thousands of people that will suffer because of this shit

[bloodyarson]

okay but a thing i think about every time we have one of those few day periods where the weather is not fit for even a dog being outside is how the hell are homeless people surviving this. like i said in a previous post it's currently -40 degrees with the windchill and i honestly cannot imagine how someone who does not have a place to go inside and spend the night is supposed to not freeze to death. it makes me upset every time the temperature drops like this, i cannot imagine how many homeless people will be frozen to death in the next 24 hours if they somehow haven't already. the fact that there are hundreds of empty houses sitting there empty with totally functional heating while people are DYING from the cold on a street corner makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY while at the same time my heart is breaking in pieces for them. rest in peace to every poor person who will not make it through the weekend. i am so sorry.

[finiteframe3]

I’m so fucking tired of this

[fellthemarvelous]

The Mystery of Chopper Base foreshadowed Ezra's exile.

Ezra's anxieties about Malachor brought him to Zeb. He was headed to a Sith temple with Kanan and Ahsoka, and it was with Zeb that Ezra was able to show his more vulnerable side.

He said it. "I don't know when we'll be back. Or if we'll be back."

And the thing is...the Ezra who came back from Malachor is not the same Ezra.

The new Ezra that came back was traumatized, angry, defeated, grieving, and he blamed himself for just how sideways their mission to Malachor went. This new Ezra started wielding a green lightsaber and came very close to falling to the dark side if Kanan had not been there to pull him back from the edge.

This Ezra came back jaded and vengeful and guilt-ridden after Maul blinded Kanan, and he and Kanan had been forced to leave Ahsoka behind with Vader while the Sith temple collapsed around them.

This Ezra came back with a Maul shaped shadow doing everything possible to make Ezra his new apprentice.

This Ezra survived against Darth Vader for a second time (because someone else was there to save him).

Ezra was already grieving the death of his parents when Malachor happened. Malachor hurt everyone in his family. He brought Kanan back to Hera physically injured and forever changed, and he wasn't able to bring Ahsoka back to Rex at all.

But despite the grief that everyone was experiencing, they persevered. Hera continued on with the mission and Rex spent just as much time pulling Ezra back towards the light as Kanan and Sabine did.

Hera and Kanan's final conversation before Malachor ended up becoming a reality. Kanan regained his vision and was able to look at Hera in his final seconds of life.

Ahsoka and Rex's final conversation was the very first scene in the Twilight of the Apprentice, and it was over Space Facetime. Rex was so nervous about Ahsoka going without him and she had to remind him that she was not alone. Rex is used to mourning his brothers. He's done it thousands of time. He's used to seeing his own face die over and over again. Losing Ahsoka would be different though. She wasn't a clone trooper, but she was still a soldier just like him. She was his best friend, his closest ally, someone he trusted with his life more times than he could care to count. They were each other's sword and shield.

Ezra understands these bonds. It's what his bond with Sabine was becoming.

And all of them (with the exception of Kanan because my boy sacrificed his life to save the people he loved, and Ahsoka because we don't even know when she is, let alone where she is at this point) followed Ezra into battle to take Lothal back from the Empire. They freed Lothal from the grip of Darth Sidious, but Ezra didn't get to see it happen. He was somehow surviving a long ass trip through hyperspace with space whales and a very pissed off Grand Admiral Thrawn.

He spends ten years in exile, alone, on another planet in a distant galaxy with a ship full of stranded Imperials nearby and always ready to kill him, but he still manages to find a new family, traveling with them and protecting them, grieving his loss and becoming more attuned to the Force.

The Ezra that Sabine finds is so much like the Ezra that she first met on Lothal. He doesn't seem to be carrying a heavy burden, but he knows he needs to get back home because Thrawn is a Big Problem, and he's had ten years learning how to outsmart the Imperials and the Nightmothers.

He's returning home with a lightsaber that matches Kanan's and he's about to meet Kanan's son Jacen for the first time.

The empire is toppled now but he and Zeb will have plenty of war stories to trade when they see each other again, especially as the threat of the Empire's return is rising again.

[dark-night-hero]

Oh gawd that "without you/me" imagine... Madame Ping better be regretting everything once MC's death is revealed. Imagine if Zhongli succumbed to erosion because of that, and now all of the adepti must put their own leader to rest—especially Xiao, whom was equally devastated by this turn of events. Venti implied there was someone interested in MC too so what if that was Xiao (gawd what if he also succumbs to karmic debt—)? Now Barbatos remains as the last of the Original 7, the supposed weakest

: Sorry for the late answer/reply. Had to go on a brainstorming for this one. And hehehe, I've made my convo with my cousin like a notepad because I kept dumping idea in it. Well I suppose this is the last part of the "without me/you" following the other imagine.

: without me | without you | part 3? imagine

"Oh Morax, I've heard you've retired. What business do I owe you to come into me like this?" Tightening his hold upon the guy.. a fellow being's neck, Zhongli- Morax hold his polearm an inch away from his face. "Where are they?" "Who? Ahhh wait pffff HAHAHAHA urgh-!" Without any tind of hesitation, Morax trusted the blade of his polearm on his stomach. "I asked you." "Where. Are. They." This time, his amber iris glowed much like of a dragon, sending fear down the mans spine and yet having no regrets upon realizing he had accomplished his goals already. "Haven't you heard the news Morax? They're dead. I killed them with my own hands while you were away-"

Imagine the way earthquake were once again frequent in the land of Liyue to the point were it reaches the Harbor. It wouldn't be that much of a big deal at first if it was just once in a while, but nowadays, it goes three times a day, sending fears in the heart of the citizens that lived in it.

Imagine at the same time, deep within the hidden caves in one of the oldest standing mountains of Liyue was their former Archon. Slowly, but surely little by little succumb to erosion as he suffered grieving for his beloved. Questioning every decisions he have made so far and regretting most of it. He should have been there for you, he shouldn't have leave you alone. He shouldn't have let you go, he shouldn't have made that deal that made the two of you further away from each other.

Imagine the pain of loosing you. You who he cherished the most now gone just like that, while he wasn't looking. Imagine the pain, the way a terror roars of a dragon who have lost his mate echos and crumbles the cave. The way the ground shake as he released the feeling of grieving, frustration, anger and self hatred. The way he started lossing himself and the only thing that manages to keep him calm was the flower field that was slowly turning into a wreck upon his own doing.

Imagine the way upon having another harsh session of destroying everything in sight which was nothing but rocks and flowers. He would calm down and cry, asking himself why and why and why. A never ending why. Why does it has to be you. He was fine to admire you from afar, he was fine if you were happy with someone else, he was fine as long as you are happy and not suffering. As long as you're alive and well, he doesn't mind. He was able to bare it for hundreds of thousands of years upon the contract. But now that you were gone. What more does he have?

Imagine if it aren't for you, he wouldn't have change. He wouldn't have much interest to other being, he would still be that same old aggressive God ready to make chaos along the way. He was never interest in making friends, he was never interested in being nice, nor taking people and protecting them. It was all on you, it was you who taught him to be nice, not to take everything for granted. It may not be thay obvious, but looking back. You were the only reason why he decided to keep going. He who aren't that much interest in anything, manage to find every little things matter, all because of you.

Imagine the way Zhongli... the way Morax started loosing himself. The moment he heard.. he moment he felt that you're gone. He just lost it. The way he started looking for the one who did this to you, the one he sealed all those years ago. He was careless, he should have killed him long ago. It was all his fault. Why you were hurting, why you were gone. It was all on him.

"I'm sorry." Kneeling in front of the messed flower field, he grip on one of the flowers. "I'm sorry." He repeated. "My love. Forgive me." He cried and then snap out of the dazed form he was in. Wondering for a moment what he was doing before looking down on his hands only to find a crushed flower in hand, he then flinch. Gently laying down the dead crushed flower in hand, looking at the messed up field, his amber iris where shaken, then he let out a shaky sigh. "What a mess. Let's get it fixed up. They're going to get mad seeing this mess on their lair."

"We need to end things as soon as possible." It was Cloud Retainer that spoke up. "We.. We can't face him alone." "But we need to try. Rex Lapis condition is getting worst. The more time we let by, the more he wouldn't be able to rest in peace peacefully." "What are your thoughts about this, Conqueror of demons?" All eyes turned upon the said Adeptus who have been silently listening on the meeting. "I.. I won't do it." "Alatus." "I'm not participating." He firmly said. "But-" "None of this would have happened if you just let them be in the beginning." "You-" "You can do whatever you want, but I'm out of this." He look at the fellow Adeptus coldly.

Imagine the silence after that. Then one Adeptus spoke up. "I don't get it." It was Streetward Rambler. "It was you who lost your master, who can you cling close to the one who killed her?" "Were you the only one who lost someone?" Xiao asked back. "You lost my master, I lost my master. We all lost her who was very dear to us." "Then why.." Why do you keep defending them just like Rex Lapis? "Why? Because you aren't the only one who lost someone! Just like you, (First name) lost someone very dear to them. They were my master friends too! If only, if only you let them repent the proper way. No one wanted this to happen! Do you think my master would be all happy knowing what you did? No! She wouldn't be! You said you were doing this make them know what they felt when you lost my master?"

"The moment they lost my master within their own hands, the pain was greater and never the same with us! And what? What did you do after that? Force Rex Lapis to stay out of them? For what? For greater pain you might never experience? Because of what? Because you thought that that would make them repent on their actions? They never wanted this to happen! And now what? Rex Lapis has to see them only from afar! Rex Lapis only get to admire them from afar! Do you think my Master would be happy to see this? All happening because of her death? No. I don't think she would be happy, never. If she have known that her death would result like this, she must be disappointed."

Imagine the way Xiao left after that, leaving the rest of the Adeptus on nothing but silence. The Streetward Rambler left with nothing but bundles of regret, little by little realizing her mistakes. Although it wasn't wrong, none can say it was right too. After all, everyone has different way of grieving, in this case, in her case. Maybe she went too far. Hurting and affecting so many lives and love in the process.

"And who you may be? As far as I can remember, My Lover is yet to return, let alone does they have any friends at the moment." "Rex Lapis." "Rex Lapis?" "They're gone." Although they were aware that the being right in front of them were faking kindness right in front of them, just like the first time they've met. As soon as those words left on their side, those amber iris went half lidded with silent rage of a dragon that was ready to blast at them at any moment. "Apologies but I just happened to fixed everything in here. My lover wouldn't appreciate coming back home with their lair all messed up so I would like to ask you to le-" "They're gone, Morax."

Imagine the way those amber iris widen, the sudden ache on his head and the never ending pain on his chest return, at the same time. A glimpse of what happened not too long ago came into mind. They're dead said the laughing bastard, I killed them with my own hands. Have you seen the way they look Morax? Ahhh just thinking about it gives me shivers HAHAHA. Stop. You're not dead, you just went away for a moment like you always did in the past. You just said goodbye to him not to long ago for a short venture. You asked him to look after your lair after giving him a quick peck on the lips. They're dead Morax, I made it sure if I can't have them. Then no one else can. I gave them a choice long ago, but they kept rejecting me, and then you came and they seems to have forgotten about me. "No, they're not dead." "Morax-" "Utter a single word about my beloved and I swear you're goin to meet your demise!"

Imagine the more they try to reason it out, the painful his headache is. The more they kept telling him you're gone, that you're dead. The more he felt rage. Because why do they kept telling him you're dead? Aren't you by his side not to long ago? Who are these beings even? How do they get in here? Where are these memories coming from? Who was the voice inside his head? You'll do just fine without me, My love. Are you really dead? He couldn't believe it, he couldn't accept it. No, fuck. No.

Imagine, the more he thinks about it. The more he looses it, black embers starts to swirl around him, his horns and dragonic teeth showing, his amber iris glowing. Morax, did you ever love me? Just like that, something inside him snap and went out of control. They're dead. They're gone. In a blink of eye, the moment he took his eyes off them, they're gone. Suddenly everything went quiet, just like a calm before the storm. Except this was nothing like a storm, it was a disaster. As the ground starts to shake, the Adeptus were on their guard. But the moment Zhongli.. Morax turn around, the moment they saw those clouded amber iris, they could only think of something. They couldn't win. Because those, those were the eyes of someone who have lost everything, they held no fear, just vengeance. It was destructive, so destructive.

Imagine, despite the fact that even though he was no longer in his prime, despite the effects of erosion, he was still powerful and all mighty. Even with the adeptus trying to snap him out of it, they knew it was too late. And the only way to stop Morax, Rex Lapis was to kill him as fast as possible. That way they would be able to at least end his sufferings quickly as possible. And yet here they are barely hanging on in front of him, their friend. The same friend that they didn't notice was suffering in silence all this time, all because they took you away from him. Making them wonder what kind of friend they were in the first place as they remembered Xiao's word.

Imagine not to far away from the scene was Xiao, watching his Lord, Rex Lapis, someone he had admire for a very long time fall into pits of despair thus is now suffering from erosion and must be put to rest as soon as possible before he was corrupted. Thus imagine the pain for as soon as he steps in the field, those amber iris met his yellow ones. "Zhongli sama." "I don't know what you're talking about, Alatus." Replied Morax as soon as Xiao spoke.

"Zhongli sama, this is enough." "Stop calling me that- I have no memories of taking that persona." "(First nam-)" "Don't. Don't you dare utter the name of my beloved." "(First name) wouldn't want to see you like this, Zhongli sama." "I said stop calling me that name!" "It's okay to cry, Zhongli sama." There was silence after that, only the two of then staring at each other. While he, Morax have obvious wounds and bruises all over his body, Xiao who just came in the scene was all well.

Imagine the way Xiao look a step forward, he wasn't afraid at all. All because he knew deep down, the god, the Archon he respected and was loyal to was deep within the being right in front of him still. "Zhongli sama. It's okay to take a rest now." With every step he take, Morax just stayed still, those clouded amber iris were obviously shaken. "Zhongli sama..-" "Zhongli.. Is the name they've given me." "You remembered." Little by little, light returns to those amber iris. "Yes. Of course it's the game they've given me." Little by little, he started to be calm.

Imagine as Zhongli calms down, that didn't take away the headache he was having, although this time, everything was far clearer. But perhaps with the erosion effect, he left himself getting weaker as moments passed by. Still realizing his outburst and the beins he have end up hurting due to his unstable state. "I-" "It's alright, Rex Lapis." It was the Cloud Retainer. "Despite being blinded by rage, you were unconsciously holding back aren't you?" She chuckle, looking at the direction of the unconscious fellow adeptus. "I know it's too late, far too late but. She- we went too far, didn't we." "No yo-" "You've done enough for this world, don't you think, Zhongli. No, Morax?" There another uninvited yet familiar face came in the scene, Venti or should we say, Barbatos.

Imagine the silence once again, but this time, Morax was rather surprised but eventually let out a sigh before falling back on the ground if it wasn't for Xiao who manage to prevent him from galling back into the ground. He was feeling rather weak but then strange enough, it was welcoming. "What are you doing here?" "I came to say goodbye to an old friend." That made Morax chuckle, it was slow, but visible cracks were now appearing all over his body. "How did you know?" "Whispers in the wind." Venti then kneel right beside Morax who being supported by Xiao as he sat on the ground.

Imagine as moment passed by, Zhongli was rather calm as if he didn't went on a rampage for the last few months after your death. He was calm as if he waiting, maybe he was waiting. Morax. "Zhongli sama." In reply, Zhongli could only humm. "You've done enough, you can rest peacefully now." He didn't failed to notice the way the little hand that was supporting his back was trembling. Morax. "Have I?" He asked and Xiao nodded causing a genuine smile makes it way on Zhongli's lips.

"Yes, you can rest easily now." Xiao reply to the one he respthe most. "Don't make them wait any longer." He added causing Zhongli's eyes to go widen before letting out a heart felt laugh. "Alright." The cracks then starts to spread faster. "Though if you all don't mind." With every bit of strength left as he, Morax started to disintegrate. "Would you mind looking after this place? It's very dear to me, to us."

Imagine as for a moment, everything went black for Morax as he closes his eyes, only for him soon be to blinded by light, causing his brows to frown and hands went to shield his eyes away from the blinding light. And upon adjusting his vision, he soon realised where he was. In the same flower field, except it was endless, and compared to the cave ceiling on your lair, it was rather bright out the sun in here. Not that he minded tho, not when he could hear familiar foot steps approach. And as he did, he turn around. There you were eyes wide as if you did not expect him to sense you approaching him.

Imagine, all across the field, with a good distance between the two of you, your eyes met. And as soon as it does. You let out a laugh and open your arms, and that's all it took him to run after you. Forgetting everything, he ran after you. And as soon as you were within his reach, he pull you into a tight embrace. Burying his face on your neck, breathing your scent, feeling your pulse, your warmth. And you pat him in the back as you embrace him back, closely listening to his rapid heartbeat. "Don't ever asume I could and would bare to live without you ever again." By his words, you laugh continuously patting him at the back. "I'm never living a life without you, keep that in mind." He added.

"Was it that hard without me?" The way he nuzzled close to you was enough to figure out as an answer. "Alright, that was my bad." You smile. "(First name)." "What it is?" Gently withdrawing himself away from you, "I love you." He spoke while looking at you directly in the eyes. "If you ask me again if I ever loved you. The answer is I did, I never stopped, I don't think I could never stop loving you." Brushing away the tears that roll down his cheeks, you kissed him gently. "I love you too. Thank you for making it back to me, my love, my Morax."

Imagine, back in the land of Teyvat where the Adeptus and an old friend was left alone. As Xiao stare at the spot, his arms were Rex Lapis just disappeared from. He felt a hand on his shoulder. "They'll be fine." It was Barbatos, Venti. "What you did was the right thing to do." Although he did say that, there was a bitter smile on Venti's face before he shake his head and only then was a genuine smile on his face. "I guess this makes be the last man standing, Morax." He whispered to himself before turning his attention back to Xiao who was staring at him. "If you don't mind, would you like to listen to my melody tonight?"

A life without you is no life at all.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

: man! that was long, I was not expecting it go be this long, what the. well then, I guess this is the end. also, I think I did stray away from what was asked but I think it's pretty close? well then its 0:55 in the morning and still got classes around 8 am. so yeah, gnight.

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Little Talks (Of Monsters and Men)

You're gone, gone, gone away; I watched you disappear/All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart; there's nothing we can do/Just let me go, we'll meet again soon/Now wait, wait, wait for me; please hang around/I'll see you when I fall asleep

"It's such a happy song, in sound, but it's about a woman and her dead lover, both of them singing call and response to one another. missing each other, the dead having to watch the living grieve them. and the bridge is both of them at once and just. oh my god"

No Children (The Mountain Goats)

I hope that our few remaining friends/Give up on trying to save us/I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot/To piss off the dumb few that forgave us/I hope the fences we mended/Fall down beneath their own weight/And I hope we hang on past the last exit/I hope it’s already too late

I hope it stays dark forever/I hope the worst isn't over....And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out/You'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning/There is no sign of land/You are coming down with me/Hand in unlovable hand

And I hope you die/I hope we both die

"The song of all time. It's the soundtrack for countless bad vibes ships (affectionate). The phrase 'hand in unlovable hand' has immutably altered the brain chemistry of thousands with its underlying sentiment and launched a hundred accompanying memes. 'I hope you die, I hope we both die' crams such incredible rawness and depth of feeling into all of nine words. It also makes for a great singalong."

"I need to leave. I need to LEAVE. I need to get out of this situation and I'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way. I need to leave. Please. Let me out. HAND IN UN FUCKING LOVABLE HAND"

"Just. Man. These two are so broken. They want to be in love. They aren't. They hate each other so much. They are the only ones who understand each other. They wish that they weren't so close but all they can taste is ash when they think of leaving each other. Just, mutually assured destruction tastes so sweet when you can taste the blood on their tongue."

"It's No Children."

"goddd man this song is about being an irredeemable freak with another irredeemable freak and i think that's beautiful. there's something so fuck you up ish about the person you hate and despise the most in the world also being the only other person who is like you, who gets you. im going down, but youre going down too. we can be terrible people together... even if i hate you... even if you're the fucking worst. because we don't have anyone else. there's always a sort of comfort in knowing that there's someone out there who's as terrible as you are, and maybe you only hate them because you see yourself in them a little, too. anyway clay and bloberta from moral orel"

"The sheer emotion packed into the way it’s sung, the lyrics themselves, all of it just screams ‘clinging desperately to someone you hate because you don’t have anyone else and you burned those bridges yourself’ and I find that painfully relatable"

"It's a song about both virulent self-hatred and virulent hatred of someone else and yet you see yourself intertwined with that hated person forever."

Poll runner: Do I even have to add anything? This was the tournament's most submitted song.

No Children submitted by @leovaldezdefender + @diogenescynic2288 + many others

[extravalgant]

i looove azteca from like. a narrative stand point

because we have this hero and thats you. were practically the stuff of legends by arc 2 just because of what kind of experience we have under our belt. we've never lost a fight, and it's assumed that we never will. that's how powerful the wizard is—everyone expects them to win, expects light to triumph shadow

and when we fail.... well. it shocks everyone doesnt it? people get angry. people get disappointed. to the wizard, who has never known failure or disappointment, it must feel like an entirely new thing. this culture was here for thousands and thousands of years—a culture and a people you never knew about until you were brought into the spiral.

and now because of you its gone. because you failed to save it and stop morganthe, its gone. and i think merle's passiveness about this situation hits a little differently this way—i read it more as disappointment, anyways. and to someone who has never known defeat, not to this capacity, with this many casualities and victims, the disappointment feels a little more crushing, doesn't it? the wizard is supposed to be a hero summoned from the legends, from a place not beyond a spiral where they had not heard of magic, and it feels like they let everyone down.

this imo is where morganthe truly establishes herself as a villain. i mean she already was a villain before imo BUT bringing a grieving man back from the dead to puppet around AND destroying a world is just straight up evil (and i love that). people like to complain about the malistaire bit which is valid in some cases but i think it really does sell the frivolity in which she chooses to go about things. like hey heres a man you killed with your own hands. probably when you were young. i brought him back from the dead to use as my pawn and now you have to fight him again btw. using a dead grieving man for my own goals. and then the fact that we cant beat him at the end, to 'send him back', is just another way she gets a leg up on us. she leaves us with unfinished business and xibalba destroying azteca is just icing on the already fucked up cake she's given us.

shes TAUNTING us. and this is important because it does come back to us in khrysalis—no doubt the wizard is still haunted by the sins of their past; their failure to save azteca. they have to get through this bit, to learn to let it go, before they can learn shadow magic. after all this, it's still stuck with us—our failure, one that she spearheaded.

dont even get me started on the wizard learning shadow magic maaaaaan because now they share one thing in common—they know shadow magic. they wield shadow magic. and shadow magic is so reviled that it's forbidden. no one else but her can really understand the isolation that comes with learning shadow magic, and it parallels the wizard and her even more because neither of them had a choice! the shadow magi turned morganthe into the shadow queen she is today, and we are subsequently forced to learn shadow magic and do the same if they ever have a chance at defeating her. i love it. i LOVE it. i love azteca... i love khrysalis....

[canonicallyobserving911]

My response to a comment on AO3 about Buddie.

I haven't posted a lot since mid season 7 because I didn't want to and with all the toxicity that's been in the fandom, I chose to stay away. However, I kept writing fanfic and for the foreseeable future, I will continue to do so.

Recently, someone asked me a question in the comments of one of my fanfics regarding if I thought Buck and Eddie could get together in season 8 and it be handled in a way that would make sense and I provided a long response. Since I like it and it includes a lot of the things I've been wanting to say for a while, I decided to post it here but it's under the cut.

Please note, these are my opinions and they’re based on my interpretations of the show. No one has to agree and it's ok if they don't since everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

My comments about this topic are my own so read at your own risk.

Finally, don't start any BS in my reblogs because if anyone does, they'll be blocked like the thousands of others who have been since 7x4. I'm a proactive blocker and I block based on filtered tags for multiple reasons but mainly to keep toxicity away from my blog.

~~~

Thanks for the response. My answer to your question, is yes, I do believe it can happen in the episodes allotted in season 8 for multiple reasons. (These are my opinions.)

First, the stage has already been set for Buck and Eddie to enter a romantic relationship and it has been for years. It was supposed to happen after season 4 but the previous network wouldn't let it so it got delayed. The foundation of the love they have is already there and it has been since season 2.

Second, there's a thing called timing and the window of opportunity is closing. As mentioned in my initial response to you above, season 8 is it for a lot of viewers and I’m not just talking about Buddie shippers. Most of the GA watch the show for the emergencies, therefore there's not a whole lot of time they can dedicate to Buck’s and Eddie’s individual storylines before more people will start tuning out and turning off their TVs. None of the characters are growing professionally so, the show is getting stale with the rehashed storylines especially for all the mains.

Third, since the foundation is set, they need to get rid of Tommy’s character now and let Buck admit on screen that Eddie’s attention is the person's he was after not Tommy’s. It's time to stop using metaphors and underlying meanings and let him specifically acknowledge it without someone coercing him into it. Honestly, I wish they'd let him figure it out on his own without talking to someone else. He didn't end things with the first T.K. in season 5 because he was unhappy like he should have so it would be GREAT if he admits it now.

Fourth, Eddie needs to admit Buck’s the person whose had his heart this entire time. Also, it's time for Buck and Eddie to talk on-screen and discuss the fact that Eddie gave it to Buck back in season 3. He needs to stand up to his parents again like he did before he moved to L.A. and tell them they don't get a do over with his son. Furthermore, EVERYONE is tired of Eddie misremembering his failed marriage and it’s time for him to talk to his son about Shannon. He needs to stop remembering her as this perfect person when they both made mistakes. He should have told Chris about it in 7x1 instead of just giving him the letter she wrote. Chris is not a baby anymore and he should be told about his mother so he can grieve for her and understand she was young and she made mistakes too.

Fifth, Chris going back to L.A. is critical for many reasons but mainly because he’s missing and based on the audience's reaction to the way he wouldn’t talk to Eddie in 8x1, a lot of viewers don't like the fact that he's separated from his dad. Eddie’s a single father and Buck’s been coparenting Chris with him for years. The Buckley-Diazes are an integral part of the show and the longer they keep the three of them away from each other, ratings will suffer. The GA loves their family dynamic too and the absence of it is being felt the same way the absence of Buck and Eddie scenes were felt in season 6.

Sixth, it's evident the showrunner knows all of this otherwise, if the "X" leaker is right and all the former writers have been termed from the show, then he hired new people to breathe new life into it so their story can move along.

All of the points above lead to one thing and one thing only, CANON Buddie and if they aren't going to go there, then they need to admit it so people can decide if they want to keep watching 9-1-1 on their own. The days of people hanging on and watching shows for top billed actors are over. Law & Order SVU is a testament to that. It's been on for 26 years and they’ve been dragging out Benson and Stabler this whole time. IMO, they've missed the window of opportunity for them but they haven’t for Buck and Eddie.

Thanks for commenting and have a great day.

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

You Are My Soulmate

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader

Status: In Progress

Last Updated: July 30th, 2024

Disclaimers: Female!Reader

A/N: This is a Soulmate!AU with a spin. Instead of having a single soulmark, a quarter of the population have multiple. Tinkerbell and Rooster are two of those people. I love Soulmate AUs, and well, the Top Gun Brain-Rot is still ever present, so here we go. This one is going to be a bit different for me, as I'm going to be trying out flipping perspectives within the chapters between Rooster and Tinkerbell (Reader's Nickname throughout the fic).

Themes: Angst, Smut, Soulmate!AU, Bradley is a bit of a dick, Rivals to Friends to Lovers, Unrequited Love (Slight, One-Sided)

Summary: You're ecstatic when you find out you have five soul indicators at midnight on the day of your twenty-first birthday, right before you start Officer Candidate School for the Navy in Rhode Island. OCS is so complex you can’t devote time to searching for your soulmate. On graduating from Officer Candidate School, Naval Aviation Command School, and Aviation Maintenance School at the top of your class, you are given the primary selection of detachment and travel worldwide as an Aviation Maintenance Duty Officer. The excitement you felt on your twenty-first birthday has changed over the past seven years, and you’re impatient to see who your soul is. After years of constant movement, it’s a relief to learn you have been assigned to run maintenance on a squadron’s planes out of Naval Air Station North Island. San Diego is sunny and gorgeous, an absolute dream after being stuck on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the ocean for the past six months. The Dagger Squad is a newly-permanent squadron based out of NAS North Island. Each member welcomed you to Miramar as a part of their maintenance crew with warmth and friendliness. Except for one pilot, callsign: Rooster. He’s the most unpleasant pilot you’ve ever met. He’s full of himself, cocky, arrogant, rude, and condescending. If only he didn’t feel so familiar. If only you didn’t feel so drawn to him. 

Bradley Bradshaw is sure he’s never going to find his soulmate. He’d been in mourning on his twenty-first birthday, still grieving the loss of his mother, followed by the loss of the only father he’d ever known, his Uncle Mav. It isn’t until Bradley is across the country at Officer Candidate School that he realizes he never received his soul indicators. Years later, and thousands of miles away, recovering from a plane crash, Bradley, now known as Rooster, jolts awake to the half-remembered scent of citrus and glistening hair in a thick braid. Without any other indicators, Rooster gives up. After all, who’d want a soul disfigured by something they loved? That’s when Bradley gives up. He sinks into the reputation of the piano-playing, mustachioed casanova and gives up on his dreams of finding a love like his parents had found in each other. And he’s content with his life until he runs into the feisty, loud AMDO officer newly assigned to NASNI. Something about her feels like everything Bradley’s been searching for, at least, if she weren’t completely committed to Bagman already. You can call him what you want, but Rooster doesn’t steal another man’s girl.

You Are My Soulmate on AO3

You Are My Soulmate on Wattpad

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 - Tinkerbell

Chapter 2 - Rooster

Chapter 3 - Rooster

Chapter 3 - Tinkerbell

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 - Tinkerbell

Chapter 5 - Rooster

Chapter 6 - Tinkerbell

Chapter 6 - Rooster

Chapter 7 - Tinkerbell

Chapter 7 - Rooster

Chapter 8 - Tinkerbell

Taglist is Open!

Want to be added to the Taglist for this fic? Leave a comment on this masterlist or drop me a message in my inbox!

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[l0n3ly-gh0st205]

One piece boys having to watch you die

I'm in a sad mood, so here's some angst!

Comments are greatly appreciated! If the spacing is weird it’s cause I pasted this from my notes app

Luffy

It was supposed to be easy, just a tiny rumble with the marines, so why did you have to jump out in front of the sea stone net?

Why did you have to get captured while the rest of the crew ran, not realizing you weren't with them?

Why did you have to get executed?

Luffy would go on a rampage; he was confident in himself, sure he could get you back, determination and anger simmering just under his skin. He’d already lost one person to the marines, and he refused to lose another. The entire crew had stormed the execution platform, but the marines were ready. They didn't spare time, gloating and goading out the pirates as they did with ace.

No, your death was quick; you could barely scream out for your lover as the blades impaled your form.

Luffy thought that your death was too quiet, unfitting for his partner.

He wouldn't think you would be dead, though. No, he would fly onto the platform, holding your broken figure, trying to wake you up, trying to get you home to the thousand sunny. Trying to deny the fact that you were gone.

For a short amount of time, he’d be inconsolable, thinking he should of been faster, stronger, but unlike Ace’s death he had his crew, his family with him this time

They’d all help him grieve, they’d make sure each and everyone single person was okay before starting for there next adventure, because you know luffy wouldn’t stop, he has a goal, and now he’s determined to complete that goal, if not with you by his side, then in your memory.

Zoro

Unlike his captain, your death wouldn't be at the hands of marines if Zoro was your lover. No, Zoro wouldn't have even realized you were killed; he was too caught up in his captain's adventures to think that someone would try and use you to get to him. To break the unbreakable king of hell.

He wouldn't know of your death till the killer was face to face with him, taunting him in a battle about how weak, how useless the swordsman was, that he couldn't even protect what was most dear to him.

Guiltily, Zoro’s first thought would even be about you. He would think of Luffy, of his crew, thinking that he couldn't protect them before coming to you. His sweet S/O, his lover who he thought was hidden away from the prying eyes of the marines and enemies. Oh, how wrong he was. He was quick to find your body after defeating the killer. He blamed himself, blamed himself for being too weak, for not being able to protect you, for even getting you involved with him in the first place; after all, if you never loved him, perhaps you would still be alive.

He’d be extremely distant from the others as a result, Luffy is one of the only people that can actually talk to him if he wanted to. He’s confident in luffy, even in Sanji so he knows he doesn’t have to worry. Both him and Luffy have goals, so they’d continue to strive towards it no matter what.

Sanji

If you died, Sanji would be the most emotionally destroyed cause he almost relies on his ability to protect you and care for you, it gives him a reason to live, and it’s his primary motivation when you are together, compared to you all blue is nothing.

I imagine your death was quiet, not from a battle or someone’s rage. Your end came naturally through illness. Something that not even chopper could control or save you from. You knew you were dying while he didn’t, and it was your choice to force chopper not to tell anyone. You knew how destroyed he would be, and you selfishly couldn’t bare to see it. So you decided to leave him letters and told him to read them when you weren’t around anymore.

At first, he laughed you off, assuming you meant if you ever went on a solo mission, not fathoming the thought that his time with you was limited. As you watched him smile and laugh with his crew, you couldn’t help but feel as though you’d made the right decision; seeing him, so content made you come to terms with your limited time. When you did finally pass, Sanji was inconsolable. He blames himself for not being able to see it in time, he blamed you for not telling him, and he blamed god for burdening you with such an illness when he finally read your letters, detailing your time from knowing your diagnosis to days before you passed his emotions were even worse.

Nami had to take over the cooking while Zoro offered silent support to his friend. But Luffy was probably the most comforting voice through it all, having lost his brother in a similar sudden way, I could imagine Sanji trying to push luffy away, even threatening to leave the sunny till Luffy plopped his hat on Sanji’s head and pulled him into a tight hug, and tells him how you wouldn’t want him to be sad, that you wrote those letters to him to make sure he wasn’t painful, and Sanji would break. His road to recovery was a lot longer than the others.

Ace

If you were to love Ace, you would have to come to terms with most likely dying by his hand. Ace’s flames weren't soothing like Marco’s. They didn't heal. As much as he liked to think he had control over his power, he could still be overcome by emotion. He could still lash out and destroy anything he saw fit. That's why you loved him, of course, and that's why he was white beards, second commander.

I could imagine it being after thatch's death, trying to comfort Ace as he blamed himself for not seeing the signs of betrayal. His power seeped out his rage, his flames taking a mind of their own. Anger and grief burned around him. He could feel you trying, your hands running down his arm, calming him enough to hear your sobs and screams coming from his flames.

It's only when macro forcefully kicks ace away from you that he starts coming to his senses, seeing your burned body, sobbing while begging him to come back to you, seeing how Marco's flames weren't enough to heal you, feeling the other commanders having to hold him down so he couldn't hurt anyone else, it destroyed him.

When he finally calmed down enough to control his flames, he begged to see you, to make sure you were okay, to make sure he didn’t kill you. But Marco was working, tirelessly to save your life, nurses coming in and out while ace begged just to get a glance of you. I can imagine when he’s finally told of your passing, he knows it’s his fault, he knows that he killed you, and he knows that no matter what your blood will always be on his hands. Although unlike with thatch, pops knew that your death was a mistake, and he knew that you would come back to haunt him if he blamed ace.

Of course, just because pops or the crew wasn’t holding him responsible didn’t mean he didn’t think he was, he’d search for teach with new vigor, wanting to turn both of them into the marines. So that both of them could atone for the same sin.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Nimona fic recs

I have seen the movie, I love the movie. Here, recs.

In all honesty, I have the comic, read it years and years ago, and this movie was a fantastic representation of it.

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Kiss it and make it better by Bagge - Rated G

After Ballister removes the arrow from Nimona's leg, she decides she kinda enjoys the attention.

late at night by romeoandjulietyouwish - Rated G

Nimona is still getting used to Ambrosius, it helps that Ballister loves him very much.

finally home by romeoandjulietyouwish - Rated G

Ballister brings Nimona home to Ambrosius.

When The Smoke Clears, I Will Be Here by petrixhoric - Not Rated

When the last sparks of Nimona's light faded, Ballister collapsed among the ashes. To his rescue comes Ambrosius, who is ready to scoop him up and take him home. Everything hurts in Ballister's world: his heart... His body. He let's himself be vulnerable around the man he once loved, for the sake of all he's just been through.

Phantom Aches & Love by lostmagician - Rated M

Ambrosius wakes up to find Ballister perched on the edge of the bed, hunched over, his left palm braced against his knee.

between starshine and clay by TealWren - Rated G

Bal had been gone for too long. Or, three months after everything, Ambrosius goes looking.

Welcome Home by FaboKraken - Rated T

Nimona comes home. Ballister can’t believe it. Aka A home is sometimes a brooding one-armed science tech not-villian, a socially awkward golden knight who’s allergic to olives, and their accidentally-aquired sort-of-adopted 1000+ year-old-teen of mass chaos

twenty thousand years of this (seven more to go) by hereforthehurts - Rated G

“Shhh, stop. Stop, it’s okay,” The voice soothes, now, hands hovering above her head, already formed into the shape of her hair, but doesn’t dare to touch her. “Nimona—listen to me. You’re home. You’re alright.” Home. Noun. Four letters. Two syllables. But what the fuck does it mean to a girl who’s been a deer and a fish and a shark and a dragon and somehow in the end, despite all of that, nobody at all? What the fuck does it mean to a girl who’s seen the moons change its shape too many times over and brought fire to every valley where her baby feet steps? or: violent nightmares aren't new to nimona. what's new is the pair of arms that holds her regardless, and a place that normal people call home.

Shapes of Regret by then00breturns1101 - Rated G

It takes a while to adjust after Nimona's... death. Ballister is still grieving, Ambrosius is trying his best. At least they have each other again.

(I'm) the monster under their bed. by levi2207 - Not Rated

Be it simple curiosity, or something deeper, one day Ballister asks Nimona a question He's not ready for the answer.

trail of flowers through the wood by winter_hiems - Rated G

After everything, Ambrosius turns up at Ballister’s lair in the hope that Ballister might take him back.

If Ballister had adapted to live without his arm, how much easier must it be for Ballister to live without the man who had cut it off? Just because Ambrosius had apologised didn’t make it okay. He’d taken off his lover’s right hand.

How I Feel... by lostmagician - Rated T

“But I don’t wanna go to school,” Nimona protests, stomping her foot. “It’s not fair. I’m not a girl!” “I know you’re not a girl,” rejoins Ballister, because she’s repeated it roughly two hundred fifty times. “But there’s no other way. Nobody knows you’re alive, and this is for the best.” Or: Ballister thinks Nimona should go back to school, as a way to avoid suspicion. Chaos ensues.

Cheaters! by otomiyatickles - Rated G

What Ballister thought was going to be a quiet night alone, ends up being a night full of fun and laughter with the two people he holds dear.

it's nice to have a friend by immortalbanner - Rated G

If there was one thing true about Ballister's life it was that Ambrosius was one of the first people to accept him.

Fondly by ChiseHatori - Rated G

Ballister awakens from a familiar nightmare and Ambrosius comforts him.

Bond by Anonymous - Rated T

"This way! He's getting away." The clink of heavy armor makes Nimona know exactly what's coming. More knight, but they're not after them this time. This time they're after.. the human? This pathetic human? The one without an arm and suffering from heavy blood loss. "Isn't there a monster living in these tunnels?" A frightened voice asks. A laugh echoes throughout the stone walls. "Relax, the only monster here is Ballister."

Not a People by MaroonLeoInvestedCrybaby - Rated G

Nimona always has a habit of getting injured during fights but nobody has ever worried about her, that is, until Ballister Boldheart came around.

Enough courage to trust by spookygreen - Rated G

Nimona and Ambrosius don't really like each other, let alone trust each other. One of those days, they finally get a chance to bond - through kicking ass and having pizza.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

You got any examples of stuff Glimmer has done that people demonize her for but let Catra get away with?

of course i do. someone else may have already made this post but if not, it needed to be made.

in the span of the series, glimmer made two major mistakes that catra also did. let's start with the worst one:

1. jeopardizing the safety of etheria:

glimmer used the black garnet to enhance the princesses' powers to save etheria. was she still at fault for being stubborn and reckless? absolutely. but her intentions were pure and she was really in a tight spot.

“I'm the queen who's going to save Etheria.”

i think we've all been in a situation where we were backed into a corner and had to resort to a bad decision. glimmer was misguided but she was trying to do the right thing.

“We both want to save the people we love.”

she still loved her friends and she cared about her people. of course, it's not an excuse for what she did. but you really can't blame her when she was forced into being a queen at such a young age, because of catra. i swear, people completely forget the fact that none of this would have happened if catra didn't open the portal.

not to mention, glimmer's reaction when she realizes that she was wrong:

she immediately admits it. she doesn't try to justify herself, she doesn't shift the blame onto anyone else. glimmer may be stubborn, but she's humble enough to acknowledge her own mistakes. contrast that to catra's reaction to realizing that the portal was about to kill everyone:

that's right. she doesn't care. first off, she was not forced into opening the portal. she wanted to do it to spite adora. sure, she was in a very emotional low at the time, because of the whole "shadow weaver choosing adora" thing. i get it. but her intentions weren't good, they weren't even neutral. she actively wanted to end the world, as long as adora died with it. her reaction to being told that adora was right was this:

“Adora is right. (laughs) Adora gets everything she wants. But not this time. This time, I am going to win. I don't care what it takes. We are opening that portal now.”

also, of course she shifts the blame to adora.

instead of at least acknowledging that this was her choice, she refuses to take responsibility for it and instead guilt trips adora.

2. hurting adora

this is probably the reason why glimmer gets the most hate from the fandom. because, in a moment of grief and frustration, she says something hurtful:

of course, it was wrong. it wasn't adora's fault that angella died. but glimmer's anger was understandable, it was just misdirected. she was going through a lot (reminder: because of catra) and she wasn't even given enough time to grieve. she had to put that aside to focus on being a queen. also, unlike catra, glimmer shows immediate guilt and regret after saying that.

she immediately tries to apologize. no one needed to tell her that what she did was wrong, she realized it instantly. and again, i think this is something we all do. frustration and stress gets the best of us sometimes and causes us to say or do something we can't take back. what matters is if we acknowledge it immediately and try not to do it again.

which glimmer does. she tries to apologize to adora again, but adora is (reasonably) upset and hurt. glimmer is shown to be guilty throughout, and apologizes properly as soon as she is rescued from horde prime.

again, compare that with catra constantly mocking, belittling, insulting and guilt tripping adora.

she's doing this on purpose. some of it can be chalked down to her being upset in a moment of distress, but most of it is catra deliberately saying anything that could and would break adora's self-esteem. she even prides herself in knowing adora well enough to know what to say in order to really get to her. if you want instances of catra hurting adora, there are going to be thousands across the series, and that's not counting all the physical abuse and attempted murder.

meanwhile, people still hate glimmer for one (1) thing she said out of frustration, and holds her accountable even after she apologized and never repeated it. the double standards are really double standarding.

not to mention, glimmer has to face the consequences of her actions. bow is allowed to stay mad at her and only forgives her after she starts crying, admits her mistake and says that she doesn't expect his forgiveness.

but catra? little catgirl got rescued and lashed out at adora immediately after. the bfs risked their lives to save her, but she never even thanks them. instead she crawls into the room afterwards acting all cute and sad, so all is forgiven. glimmer, who blamed adora for the death of her mom, is suddenly besties with the very person who killed said mom. bow gushes over how cute catra is, completely forgetting everything she did in the previous seasons.

it's so clear that not only do the fans hate glimmer, but even the show seems to. the writers seem to hate every character except catra. and honestly? their favoritism towards catra only ruined her character. she could have been a great villain or heck, she could have even gotten a good redemption arc. flawed characters don't mean shit if they are treated like victims instead of having actual character development.

[fatliberation]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or solidarity, but I have to express this to someone.

I'm an eating disorder survivor. At my worst I was hospitalized, in 2004. Now, in my 30s I'm fat and happy, except for one thing. I want to be a mother. For me and my wife to be eligible for fertility treatment at the only clinic in the UK treating fat people I have been told to lose 20kg to get my BMI to under 40, or be refused treatment altogether.

This is horrendously triggering. I don't know what to do. Our fatness means we're already barred from adopting or fostering in England, so this clinic is my last option. I don't want to put myself and my wife through the resurgence of my eating issues, but being a parent is all I've ever wanted. This whole system is so fucked up and I hate it. Fat people have been having babies since the dawn of time, if it caused such terrible problems there wouldn't be nearly so many of us, but still they're gatekeeping who can get to be a parent.

I'm sorry. I just figure you'll understand.

Dear anon, my heart bleeds for you. I am wrapping you up in the tightest hug. I wish I could take away the pain you must be feeling being faced with this incredibly unfair decision. Not enough people realize the true extent of what anti-fatness steals from us. Our humanity. The right to a family. The restrictions on BMI and adoption in England are disgustingly inhumane. God forbid fat people raise kids. I'd say this is eugenics but it's beyond genes at this point. Nevertheless, they want our genocide. It's okay to do whatever you need to do to process it or survive it.

I've been sitting on this ask for months in hopes that I could offer you something helpful. Today, I finally came across Big Birthas, an information and support page on pregnancy, labor, and birth for fat people in the UK. They have a facebook group where I hope you might find some answers about fertility treatment, or at the very least, connect with a community of fat people who will understand your unique experience.

I'm so sorry you've been put in this horribly unjust situation. You have every right to grieve. I hope you and your wife have been taking care of yourselves and that you may surround yourselves with support. Please remember to be gentle with yourself and know that whatever decision you make about your own body here is completely justified. You have been in my thoughts for a very long time and I am wishing you all of the best with love. Please don't hesitate to use this blog as a resource, you have thousands of fat liberationists right here in your corner, many of whom would be so proud to call you mom! ❤️

[littlespoonevan]

Hey idk if you are aware of this, but there is an Eddie/buddie fic from a few years ago called Eddie Diaz vs The Feelings and it’s about Eddie figuring out romantic love and demisexuality and that he’s in love with Buck. It’s kind of weird that you are calling your fic basically the same thing when it’s such a similar idea? Did you talk to the author or think about plagiarizing it because I know some people don’t care about ripping off other people’s fanfic but it��s pretty not cool to do that to anyone

First of all, anon, no. I wasn’t aware of that.

Second of all, it is incredibly rude to automatically assume ill intention when the fic concept I’ve written is?????? Something many, many authors have written before and will continue to write????? There are multiple fics exploring Eddie’s relationship with romantic love, multiple fics exploring Eddie being demisexual, and literally thousands of fics where Eddie realises he’s in love with Buck. As mentioned in the author’s notes this idea is something I’ve thought about since 5x09 and only finally decided to write it now because of the events of season 7. Eddie being demi is also something that is only examined in one scene, the main focus is his grieving Shannon and examining what their relationship was so he can move forward. Further to that, the fic is not called Eddie vs Romance. The series is. Because that was the shorthand name I was using when talking about the fic on tumblr. (Which if you’re following me, I don’t know why you wouldn’t have pointed that out weeks ago)

I’ve looked up the fic and I have it bookmarked which makes sense because I adore that author’s work and their interpretation of Buck and Eddie. But given that it’s 2 and a half years old I’m sorry I didn’t remember the fic title, I don’t generally remember any fic titles. But any similarity is purely coincidental. I’ve had people use the same fic title as me before, it happens sometimes when we’re all writing similar tropes/listening to similar songs.

You could’ve messaged me privately or even just said ‘hey a quick heads up, there’s a fic with a similar name to yours that already exists.’ but instead you immediately jumped to plagiarism and while I understand wanting to defend an author, I’m extremely offended by the way you’ve gone about it. I’ve been writing fic for 12 years. I literally reblogged a post the other day about giving credit/asking permission when lifting from other people’s headcanons. I would never, ever intentionally take anything from someone else’s story and try to claim it as my own and I can’t believe you think I would.

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

House of the Dragon 2x02: Quotes

"- And where were the members of this council while the murderer threatened their king? And where were you, the Lord Commander of my Kingsguard? (Aegon II) - I was abed, Your Grace, having ordered the Night's Watch. (Ser Cole) - Abed. Abed! Instead of safeguarding the sanctity of my family. (Aegon II) - This is not the time for blind accusations, Your Grace." (Otto) "- I will not be seen as weak. (Ageon II) - You're already seen as weak, Aegon. Let no one say I do not grieve. Jaehaerys was my grandson. I loved him. I will not have him die in vain. Jaehaerys will do more for us now than a thousand knights in battle. (Otto) - No, I do not wish to be a spectacle. (Alicent) - The realm must see the sorrow of the crown, a sorrow best expressed through its most gentle souls." (Otto)

"- Sometimes, we have to pretend. (Alicent) - Why? (Helaena) - We are representatives of the throne. We have a duty. Helaena, what you saw last night when you came to my room... (Alicent) - This is for my boy." (Helaena)

"- Are you gonna hurt me? (Blood) - No, but I cannot vouch for His Grace." (Larys)

"- There will be swift retribution in one form or another... It must be said that the damage to our position is immeasurable, at a time when we most need loyalty to our cause. (White Kight) - But it's a lie. Having lost my own son, that I would inflict such a thing on Helaena, of all people, an innocent. (Rhaenyra) - The death of Prince Lucerys was a shock and an insult. A mother so aggrieved might, naturally, seek relief in retribution. (Alfred Broome) - Are you suggesting, Ser Alfred, that my grief drove me to order the decapitation of a child? (Rhaenyra) - I merely thought, perhaps, an action taken in hast. (Ser Alfred) - Mind yourself. (Rhaenys) - Did you send assassins to murder children in their beds?" (Rhaenyra)

"- My father? (Baela) - He must follow his own path." (Rhaenyra)

"- Have you told anyone? (Alicent) - What do you take me for? (Ser Cole) - One who seeks absolution. (Alicent) - There is none for what I've done." (Ser Cole)

"- You defy my authority, Ser Arryk. (Ser Cole) - I do not. (Ser Arryk) - The white cloak is a symbol of our purity... our fidelity. Kingsguard are a sacred trust. Will you so easily sully our ancient honor? (Ser Cole) - I have erred, my lord. I'll remedy the error. (Ser Arryk) - Where were you when Jaehaerys was murdered? (Ser Cole) - With King Aegon. (Ser Arryk) - And you were not in the private quarters where you might have prevented the crime. (Ser Cole) - His Grace wished to entertain his companions in the throne room. (Ser Arryk) - But if you had thought to go upstairs... (Ser Cole) - Where were you Lord Commander? And why has Helaena the queen been granted no sworn protector? Surely once she ascended, she.. (Ser Arryk) - Your brother is a thief and a traitor to the crown! (Ser Cole) - You well know how it pains me. (Ser Arryk) - How are we to know that you do not secretly share his sentiments? (Ser Cole) - I denounced him before the king. We were one soul in two bodies, yes. If I'd shared his sentiments, I would've fled with him. (Ser Arryk) - First, your brother betrays us. And then the young prince... is murdered... on your watch. You are mad, Ser. (Ser Cole) - Mad! You cannot think that I did this! (Ser Arryk) - What I think has no relevance! You have brought disgrace upon our ranks... and now you must restore it. (Ser Cole) - How am I to do that? (Ser Arryk) - You will go to Dragonstone and strike down Rhaenyra in her own halls. The way she sought to do with Aemond. We will pay the princess back in her own bloody coin. (Ser Cole) - Alone? (Ser Arryk) - Does your courage fail you, Ser Arryk? (Ser Cole) - It's not a matter of courage. The castle is defended against all enemies, now especially. How would I enter? (Ser Arryk) - Your twin serves there at the pleasure of the so-called queen. They will mistake your for him if you play the part. (Ser Cole) - We are sworn to serve forthrightly, not to traffic in deception. (Ser Arryk) - Put down the pretender and you will end a war before it begins. (Ser Cole) - If they see the two of us... (Ser Arryk) - You must not let that happen. (Ser Cole) - You would send me to my death. (Ser Arryk) - Or to triumph. And glory. Now, will you go? Or must I question your loyalty to the King? (Ser Cole) - As you command, my lord." (Ser Arryk)

"- You missed supper. (Baela) - I wasn't hungry. (Jacaerys) - I don't think anyone was, really. Too many empty seats. (Baela) - Do you know where he went? (Jacaerys) - Harrenhal, I would think. Sometimes I think I hate him. (Baela) - It's hard... with fathers. (Jacaerys) - What do you remember of my uncle? (Baela) - He taught us to catch fish.. and sing sailors' shanties. He had a weakness for cake. (Jacaerys) - And... Ser Harwin Strong? (Baela) - He was gentle, and fierce. They called him "Breakbones". He loved us.. I think. (Jacaerys) - Of course, he did. (Baela) - I miss Luke." (Jacaerys)

"- Daemon sent them to kill me. I was out. (Aemond) - You were with me. (Madam Sylvi, the whore) - In truth, I am proud... that he considers me such a foe. And that he seeks to murder me in my bed. He's afraid of me. (Aemond) - As well he should be. The boy is grown into a man. (Madam Sylvi, the whore) - Mm. No. Not here. I do regret that business with Luke. I lost my temper that day. I am sorry for it. (Aemond) - I am glad to hear it. (Madam Sylvi, the whore) - They used to tease me, you know? Because I was different. (Aemond) - I would remind you only that when princes lose their temper, it is often others who suffer. The smallfolk... like me." (Madam Sylvi, the whore)

"- The markets have been running low since the blockade. Surely the city cannot yet be short of food. (Hugh) - I think not, but people are afraid. Those with means are hoarding everything they can. (His wife) - The selfishness of people. (Hugh) - I cannot blame anyone for doing what I myself would do if I could. (His wife) - I don't think you'd let children go hungry while you filled your own cellars. (Hugh) - Lucky we don't have enough coin to find out. (His wife) - The king has promised us some relief. (Hugh) - Did he say when? I'm afraid, Hugh." (His wife)

"- To serve with the Sea Snake is to make your fortune. Had I such a chance, I would leap at it. (Addam) - That's because you haven't seen what I've seen. There is a war brewing, Addam. A real one. (His brother) - Another opportunity to distinguish yourself. Remind him of your worth. (Addam) - Oh, I need no favors. (His brother) - But, brother, he owes you, he owes us." (Addam)

"- I mistrust this silence. Daemon flies when we most need his hand at the oar. (Corlys) - Devotion has never sat well with him. Where he goes, he wishes to be his own master. (Rhaenys) - Well, he is the king consort. (Corlys) - But he is not the king. (Rhaenys) - Neither am I, but I manage. (Corlys) - I too have felt the crown pass over me. It is a hard thing to accept. And now Viserys is dead and all claims are in doubt. (Rhaenys) - You do not think... Daemon will challenge her? (Corlys) - Not as such. But neither can he allow her to command him. (Rhaenys) - Pity. I have, on occasion found to be... quite enjoyable. (Corlys) - Let us take him at his word. If he can take Harrenhal, all may well be forgiven. In the meantime, I am here. And Meleys. We will not let the queen falter." (Rhaenys)

"- You're aware of yesterday's events in King's Landing? (Rhaenyra) - I am. (Mysaria) - Tell me what part you played in their unfolding. (Rhaenyra) - I had nothing to do with it. (Mysaria) - I know you are entwined with the usurpers, that you aided them in denying me my birthright. (Rhaenyra) - I took profits from an inevitability. I regret it now. (Mysaria) - I'm sure you do. Who are you? (Rhaenyra) - A prisoner. I gave Daemon two names. That is the extent of it. And I did not wish to do that much. He said it was the price of my freedom. Does he say otherwise? (Mysaria) - He is gone. (Rhaenyra) - For how long? (Mysaria) - A week, or forever I do not know. (Rhaenyra) - He does do that doesn't he? You remember me now. (Mysaria) - He said he would marry you. He said you carried his child. (Rhaenyra) - Not everyone found the jest funny. And now it seems, he's done it again, made a promise and then slipped away. (Mysaria) - You trade in the secrets of the Red Keep. Your web runs unseen through King's Landing. And now... when my enemy coils himself to strike at me... (Rhaenyra) - I can do nothing now but ask you to honor your husband's words. (Mysaria) - It would not serve me to set you free. At best, I lose an asset to my cause. At worst, you betray me in some foul way. (Rhaenyra) - I have no interest in betraying you, Your Grace. (Mysaria) - So you say. (Rhaenyra) - I was brought to Westeros with nothing. I toiled in service, I stole. I sold my own body for coin or bread. And I listened. I collected confidences. I made myself valuable to powerful men. Bit by bit, I earned my living. A house, a household, a home. Then they set it all aflame. (Mysaria) - Who did? (Rhaenyra) - The Hightowers, I can only assume. The Hand... did not like it when I showed my teeth. But I thank him for it. For too long, I made it my aim to be of consequence. But now, I see that was the wish of a child. Daemon. Otto Hightower. Makes no difference. They will never accept me. I might as well have remained a whore. (Mysaria) - How did you get that scar?" (Rhaenyra)

"- Who are they? - Ratcatchers in the king's employ. - What'd they do?"

"- What have you done? The ratcatchers! (Otto) - Oh... I had them hanged. The maggot who took my son confessed to an accomplice. He could not say for certain which man it was, so. (Aegon II) - Idiot! (Otto) - Beware how you speak to your king, my lord. (Ser Cole) - The king is my grandson and my grandson is a fool! He's worse than a fool! He's murdered innocent men! (Otto) - And one guilty one. (Aegon II) - And hanged them from the walls of the city for all to see! (Otto) - Plot against the king, and I will pay it back a hun... (Aegon II) - They are fathers and brothers and sons! And their wives and children gather now at our gates to weep and curse your name! With your child's blood, we bought their approval. With your mother's tears, we made a bitter sacrifice against the deprivations to come. And you've thrown it away. After all I've done for you. Thoughtless, feckless... self-indulgent. (Otto) - At least I did something. I have not answered injury to the crown with, what? Wailing and currying favor with fishwives? I will not be thought weak. Even now, news of Rhaenyra's monstrous crime spreads through the realm. The great houses falter. They cannot but come to our side. I wish to spill blood, not ink! We must act. Ser Criston Cole has acted. (Aegon II) - And what... has Ser Criston Cole done? (Otto) - He has sent Ser Arryk to slay Rhaenyra. (Aegon II) - Alone? (Otto) - He's pretending to be his own twin. Brilliant. (Aegon II) - Gods help us all. (Otto) - It's time the bitch queen paid a price. (Ser Cole) - And you acceded to this, this prank without consulting me or the council? Instead of judgment, you display impetuousness, and diminish us in the eyes of our enemy. Ill-considered, trifling! Do you never think of your father? His... forbearance, his... judiciousness, his.. dignity. (Otto) - Fuck dignity! I want revenge. My father is dead. (Ageon II) - He is. And we are the poorer for it. He was right about you. (Otto) - He made me king. (Aegon II) - Is that what you think? (Otto) - Remove your badge, Ser Otto. You were my father's Hand. Not mine. Take it off. (Aegon II) - You wouldn't dare. (Otto) - I have dared.... and I find it stimulating. (Aegon II) - Insolent pup. You think yourself clever, but without a strong hand at your side... to guide? (Otto) - Give it to Cole. (Aegon II) - Your Grace? (Ser Cole) - In this hour, you have proven yourself of more worth than a hundred old men. My new hand will be a steel fist. (Aegon II) - You will regret this. (Otto) - Give it to him. You are dismissed." (Aegon II)

"- I do not know if I trust you. And I sense that there is danger in you yet. But I will keep the word of my house if you say that it was given. You may go. (Rhaenyra) - Your Grace. (Mysaria) - I will see that you are given passage. I'm not so unworldly as to let you fly free. (Rhaenyra) - Thank you. (Mysaria) - Ser Erryk, Mysaria will be leaving us. Let her collect her things. Then have someone take her down and secure her berth on the "Corwyn"." (Rhaenyra)

"- Ser Erryk... I thought you were within. (Guard) - A sorry lack of vigilance. The enemy is about, good ser." (Ser Arryk)

"- Ser Erryk. (White cloak) - It's been a strange day. I'm restless I will stand this evening's duty." (Ser Arryk)

"- You must sleep tonight, Your Grace. Let me ask the maester for a draught. (Elinda) - Perhaps that would be best." (Rhaenyra)

"- Do not do this. I beg you. (Ser Erryk) - You were the one who betrayed us, Erryk. (Ser Arryk) - We were born together. (Ser Erryk) - You parted us! But I still love you, brother. (Ser Arryk) - Your Grace. (Ser Erryk) - Erryk. (Rhaenyra) - Forgive me." (Ser Erryk)

"- It is ignorance and vanity. You know as well as I do that Aegon must be kept in check. As does Ser Criston. The two of them together... (Otto) - Ser Criston is not temperate... but his devotion cannot be questioned. If it does come to war.. (Alicent) - He's ensured it. (Otto) - He's young and unschooled. His faith is in steel and bone. (Alicent) - He has not the long view. None of them do. They wish now not for the good of the realm, but for the petty satisfaction of vengeance. (Otto) - Aegon is still malleable. It is the death of the child that has unstrung him. (Alicent) - I can't stay here. Exiled from the council. Witness to the blundering of our plans. I'll return to Oldtown. The Hightowers are still strong, and you have a son there who will take more kindly to instruction. Daeron may yet help us in weeks to come. (Otto) - Go rather to highgarden. The Tyrells must be taken in hand. Their bannermen are wavering. While you're gone, I'll speak sense to him. His blood will cool. In time, you may yet return. (Alicent) - The young are peacocks.. all shrieking and feathers. (Otto) - But we will yet prevail and bring forth peace, I still believe it. As long as you and I hold fast. (Alicent) - I have sinned. (Alicent) - I do not wish to hear of it." (Otto)

[idontlikeem]

i'd like to talk about grieving, a little bit. as in the past, discussions of death and cancer below the cut, don't read if this will hurt you, etc....i'm having a bad day and i just need to stream of consciousness for a little bit. sorry.

so my mom died. if you've read my personal posts before or whatever, you probably figured that out. it happened on thursday february 15th around noon. luckily we had a bit of notice that it was coming, so i was able to drive down the saturday prior and spend time with her—three full days where she was pretty much still herself, and part of a fourth.

it's been a really hard month. like, obviously. but i think a part of me still wasn't quite ready for it. i don't know how.

my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer in fall 2011. she had a mastectomy and went through chemo, and that was hard and scary, but it was i think technically considered stage one—a tumor that was definitely growing fast, but it hadn't spread out of the area, like not to her lymph nodes or anything, and with the treatment she went almost ten years totally symptom-free. right at the start of the pandemic, the cancer came back, but this time it was already stage four, and it was in her abdomen and uterus and intestines.

there was a time when we weren't sure she'd live more than a year. endometrial and other reproductive cancers aren't 'sexy' like breast cancer is, they're not widely studied and there aren't a lot of treatment options. when she had breast cancer i hated 'save the boobies' campaigns (and please never donate to susan komen), but now that my family has lived with another type of cancer that doesn't have tits as a draw, i hate them even more.

my mom made it four years, pretty much, since the first diagnosis. she did chemo, and radiation, and went on medication trials, and put her body through hell to try and fight it. she lived longer than i think any of us thought she would.

the problem with that is how long i've been existing in a state of grief.

i've had years to prepare for this. i've thought about it literally thousands of times—how i'd feel, how i'd tell people, what i'd do after. i pictured it, because i was trying to plan. i was trying to get myself ready.

turns out pre-grieving isn't real. turns out you can't get this pain out of the way by experiencing it in advance. much to my chagrin. i'm not sure there was a way to avoid it, though. so here i am, with four years of grief behind me, and not one second of it has made what's going on now any easier.

some days i forget. every time i'm on twitter or instagram, there are posts i want to send her, and then i don't know what to do with myself. for all that my relationship with her had its hard times, she was my mom, she was my best friend. i love her more than anything and i don't know what to do with myself now that she's gone.

i've been sort of just surviving for the last four weeks. my apartment is a mess, i'm barely leaving, i haven't been good at responding to people. so today i thought i'd at least clean up a little. i'd gone to target a day or two before i drove down to my parents', and i figured i would start with those bags, because they were just sitting there.

i'd forgotten that i bought valentine's day cards for my whole family that i wanted to send. one for each of my brothers, one for my dad, one for my mom. i never sent them, obviously, i didn't even bring them with me. i burst into tears when i pulled them out of the bag, and i've been crying pretty much all day since then. i'm never going to pick out a card for my mom ever again.

i also have a notes app file sitting on my phone. she wrote each of us letters, and my dad sent them out to us, but i haven't been able to open mine yet. it's the last new thing she'll ever say to me. how could i possibly be ready for that? how do i know when the right time to read that will be?

one thing my mom wanted was to die at home. she didn't want it to be in a hospital, and i get it. she spent a month in the hospital after christmas, and god knows how much time cumulatively over the last four years. the fact that she was able to push to get home is something i don't understand, because she was so sick—but she did it somehow. she was able to die in her bed.

and i was with her. like. i wasn't just at home, i was with her.

something they don't tell you about having someone die is you have to start arranging stuff before it actually happens. when we woke up on the 15th, we knew it was only a matter of time—her eyes weren't all the way open and her breath was labored, and she couldn't talk, although at first she still tried to say stuff. we sat there with her and kept her company and talked to her. hospice came by around 11 or 11:30, i don't even remember, and said that based on whatever measurements or readings they take (pupils? breathing? i don't know), it would be between 4-8 hours, and he recommended that my dad call the funeral home. because you have to do that first.

so my youngest brother was driving down from where he lives, my middle brother was in his room, my dad was in his room on the phone, and i stayed with her, because....well, of course, right? and i was just kind of talking, and crying, but trying not to...i don't know, beg her to stay? ask for more time? the nurse said she could still hear, they're pretty sure that hearing and understanding what's being said is the last thing to go, and i didn't want her to feel bad or guilty, or to hurt herself in an effort to stay longer even though there's nothing more that i've ever wanted in my life.

so i told her, you know, we'll be okay. it's going to be unbearably sad, and it's going to suck, but all the stuff we did as a family with her—we'll still do it. and we'll be okay. and there's nothing more important to us than her not hurting anymore, not being miserable and stuck and just...not herself. all that matters to us right now is her, and she didn't have to worry about us, because we'd be okay.

and she took in a breath. there was a pause. she took in another one. and she stopped. that was it.

i didn't even realize at first, not right the second it happened. the hospice booklet had talked about a 'death rattle', about how it happens almost all the time, but that it's more distressing for the people with the person dying than them, that they're not in pain. how the fuck would they know that, i'm not sure i believe it, but...it's what i was expecting. that didn't happen, though. she just stopped breathing.

the amount of guilt i felt for my dad being out of the room...i don't know if that will ever leave me. he said it was ok, because he was having to deal with stuff, and he'd spent a lot of time with her and it was fine, but jesus. how do i not feel like i stole that from him?

i've felt like a shell ever since. i'm back where i live, and i'm getting up and going to work and taking care of my dog and trying to stay connected to life, but...i don't know.

how is it that she's gone? how is this possible? how am i supposed to go the rest of my life without her?

i had four years to get ready for this, and i wasn't. i don't think there's any way i really could have been, but still. it doesn't seem fair that it was so hard for so long, and for NOTHING. nothing is easier now.

i'm sick of feeling sad, and hurt. i feel like i should be over it or something? i don't know, maybe just less actively affected? it's been a month. people's parents die all the time, right?

what am i supposed to do?

[azaisya]

in which i get enough of my curufinrod thoughts together to write 1k words about it. featuring the aftermath of the messiest breakup ever, finrod's inability to be chill about the bëorians, and curufin's inability to be chill. [ao3]

The door to the King’s chambers yielded before his hand as easily as it ever had, and Curufin’s voice filled the familiar space like the cracking of ice beneath their feet. “Art thou mad?”

Finrod’s answering laugh was fey and wild. His temper was still upon him, his mind closed, and the light in his eyes was the light of the King of Nargothrond, for all that the silver crown gleamed not at his brow. “I? ‘Tis the madness of thine own tongue, Curufinwë, that has turned our people’s hearts against my hopes. If I am mad, it is only because thou hast left me no other path.”

They were alone. Finrod had sent his meager ten with Beren to prepare. Curufin closed the distance between them, kicking aside supplies half-packed, unflinching from the anger in those grey eyes. “Thou let’st thy fondness for the Secondborn blind thee to what is before thy nose.”

Felagund did not back away, though their faces were close enough that their breath mingled between them. His lip curled into a snarl, canines flashing in the candlelight. “Thou hast spoken enough already! Insult me again, and thou wilt not have the chance to do so a third time.”

[keep reading on ao3]

Curufin’s fury kindled, but he kept his mien cold and still with his will alone. How many times must he be reminded that he was the lesser, that their long years of closeness, their youth together, their quarrels and love, were nothing compared to Felagund’s infatuation with these mortals and their mayfly-quick lives. For the briefest of heartbeats, further poison gathered on the tip of his tongue. In his mind’s eye, he saw Felagund pushed further into wrath, saw the wild flame of his eyes. Would he draw his blade, as Fëanor once had against Fingolfin? Or would he close his bare hands about Curufin’s throat?

Felagund so loved to pretend at placidity, at gentleness, but his anger slumbered ever beneath those still waters. It shone, as bright as the summer blaze of his joy, and it was real. Curufin loved Finrod most when he was real.

The temptation was there. Curufin knew he could do it. But he did not insult Beren, or Barahir, or even Bëor. He said, cool, “Thou knowest that this was ever a fool’s journey, even hadst thou managed to rouse an army. The gates of Morgoth will not yield before the likes of thee.”

“Perhaps!” Felagund’s voice was sweet with rage. “But now we shall never know.”

Curufin’s eyes narrowed. “Thou wilt walk into doom for some mortal’s flight of passion, for Thingol’s whim?”

The back of Felagund’s fingers brushed, feather soft, against Curufin’s cheek. The touch was alight with the memory of thousands of other caresses, alive with the danger between them. His grey eyes were full of something unspeakable. “Wilt thou grieve for me, Curvo?”

It was the last thing that Curufin had expected. He flinched backwards, his mind unfurling, and beneath his anger his terror was laid bare.

“Ah,” Felagund said, the barest exhale. Gone was the might and majesty of the King, and in his absence there was only Finrod, small and pained and full of sorrow. “Thou wilt.”

“I’ve no desire to,” Curufin hissed. It did not matter whether he was met with softness or hardness; he could do nothing but arm himself with knives. “I desire naught but for thee to come to thy senses and abandon this futile quest.”

Finrod did not snap back. It would’ve been better if he had. He laughed, the sound soft and bitter and private. “I see! I had thought— Well, it does not matter what I had thought. Thy schemes have done naught but set my doom in stone, Curvo mine.”

The terrible thing was the way his small-name sounded on Finrod’s tongue: as tender as the press of lips against his neck, as solemn as the light of stars reflected in grey eyes, as laden with love as it ever was.

Curufin, rather abruptly, was forced to realize two things: Finrod did not love anything by halves, even now, and the love did not matter. 

Perhaps he should’ve realized that long ago.

“There is nothing I can say to change thy mind,” Curufin murmured, before he could think better of it. Unable to meet Finrod’s eyes any longer, he looked at the supplies scattered about the bed, the floor. He had not packed enough food. 

“There never was.” Gentle, gentle, as ever. From Curufin, it would’ve been a blade sharp enough to pierce the heart. From Finrod, it was just the truth. “I swore an oath to Barahir and his kin—”

Curufin’s hands fisted beneath his sleeves. “Do not speak to me of oaths.”

“—but I need no oath to compel me to Beren son of Barahir. I am bound to the House of Bëor by my own will.” The weight of Finrod’s gaze was a nearly physical thing, prickling across Curufin’s skin and sending shivers down his spine. He still did not look up. 

Finrod resumed his packing, haphazardly throwing things into his bag. One of his men would need to repack it for him. Curufin watched the quicksilver grace of his movements, the careless turn of his head. It should’ve been insulting, that Finrod thought so little of Curufin’s danger that he paid him no heed. But perhaps they simply knew each other too well for that. 

“I will not guard thy crown for you,” Curufin said, “Thou art dooming thyself and thy kingdom both.”

“Nargothrond is strong, when she is not sipping from thy cup of lies,” Finrod replied, and there, like the sun between clouds, was the splintered remnant of his anger. It was a weak thing now, muted by the helplessness between them, but not dead yet. “I’ve faith enough in Orodreth.”

Curufin sneered. “Yet more madness.”

“It is done, Curvo. There is no path for me but forward.”

There are many more paths than forward for thee, Curufin nearly snapped, but he made the mistake of meeting Finrod’s eyes. 

They were bright with treelight, with love, with doom. 

Curufin’s breath caught in his chest. He had no foresight to speak of, but he knew that this was the last time he’d see those eyes. 

Finrod smiled and slung his bag over his shoulder. “Farewell, Curvo. I hope I haunt thee.”

Curufin was helpless to do anything but watch him leave.